2015 started with me feeling stressed—at least that’s what I wrote in my log. However, it says a lot that I don’t remember why I was stressed.
I think it’s because I had just stopped going to karate classes and was, at least at the time, feeling confused about if I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. A year later, I’m sure I did. I haven’t missed karate class at all and haven’t felt compelled to find a replacement class. I miss the people, sometimes, but not enough to go back.
I seem to have eventually calmed down and settled into a new Sunday pace. I also didn’t have my usual October stress, which was a very pleasant surprise. There have been other stresses (I have teen and tween daughters) and we have some family decisions to make and some things to organize, but those haven’t been overwhelming. (Knock on wood.)
There’s also been a change in my work conditions.
Reviewing the log, I can’t say I accomplished a lot in 2015.
I got some stuff done. I finished the first draft of novel number three and then did very little with it except scribble a few ideas for changes. I started typing the text of novel number two from the handwritten “assembled” draft but got sidetracked.
I had a lot of ideas for other websites and for monetizing the ones I have, but this has also been a year with a profound lack of follow-through. There’s a strong streak of fear disguised as perfectionism involved with that. That fear also frequently translates as “Ooh, let’s try this, too!” distraction and old fashioned time wasting. There’s also a strong streak of being uncomfortable reaching out to others for help in doing things. This leads me to not only reinvent the wheel, but to try to carve them from stone.
Sitting in piles are unfinished–and in a couple cases unsubmitted articles–and a finished novel I’ve trunked for a while after a lukewarm reception. There’s also the pieces of a business I never started except on paper.
I mostly kept the log going and kept up the daily entries on this blog. It is interesting to see how the log slowly developed a format: Date and weather; summary of the morning; summary of the day, with weather and lunch; summary of the evening including a sketch of some key theme from the day. Quite frankly, it became more of a diary than I’d intended, but I did make entries at different times of the day rather than all at once in the evening.
I’ll keep writing the log, although I’ve got a new journal that’s going to change the format a bit.
The blog as it approaches its two year anniversary has yet to settle into a format. That failure stems from a mix of laziness and indecision. I’d still like to make it more hobby based, but also include random personal entries. The theme for 2016 will be “pens, paper, life”.
2016 will be a big year for a lot of personal reasons. My goal is to make the entries in the log more interesting and make the year more productive. (More on that tomorrow.)