Although I managed to watch the Super Bowl, I have to admit it loses something at 8:30 in the morning on a Monday.

(Note: Officially, today I worked and wrote an exam.)

Basically, I was the guy in the GoDaddy commercial who didn’t have a party because he had to work (and wants to die younger and raise a kid who sings Harry Chapin songs and stars in Nissan commercials). But unlike the guy working in the office, I had a way to stream the Super Bowl and could watch it while I worked.

Unfortunately, because the Super Bowl started at 8:30 in the morning here in Japan it was way too soon for chips and salsa and little too early for beer.

Also, getting proper chips and proper salsa here in Japan requires shady mafia connections and/or exorbitant personal loans.

Despite the dry nature of the event, eat least for me, it was fun to watch it with friends all over the world as if we were all in one room commenting on what we were seeing. Seeing their comments and inflicting my comments on them, even sight unseen (or perhaps especially sight unseen) brought back some of what makes the Super Bowl fun.

Another part of the fun for me, especially when I don’t give a crap about either team, is seeing the way the commercials change from year to year. Last year’s seemed more patriotic, but since one of this year’s teams was called the Patriots, I guess that would have been seen as press bias (and we know how worried the press are about seeming biased).

However, there has to be something between “America, F@#k Yeah!” and “Let’s all take pills together, hold hands in a circle, and die.” (Cue cowbell and “Don’t Fear the Reaper.)

I see Nationwide has defended killing a kid during the Super Bowl (so to speak) by falling back on the notion that they were just trying to start a conversation about kid safety. By the same logic, if I call a woman a “Fat Bitch” I can defend myself by saying I’m trying to start a conversation on societal weight standards and sexist language.

Next year, if I’m “writing an exam” again, I may find a way to have proper chips and salsa, or a bowl full of Chex mix nearby.

If I do, though, I’ll end up being the fat bitch.