Crazy Japan Times Facebook Invasion: Summer Olympics 2016 Day Five

Today’s Olympic review is brought to you by the colors purple and yellow. And by the color green.

Cheating by using this as your daily post: C-

Rugby Sevens: B-
Looks too much like a rugby simulator.

Japan defeating New Zealand in Rugby Sevens: A

New Zealand: push (never been there)

The “All Blacks” chanting the Haka before a match: A
Best “I must break you” cheer in sports.

Second best: the University of Texas fans singing “The Eyes of Texas (are upon you” whilst holding up the sign of the devil.

Japan women’s rugby player Marie Yamaguchi: A

Best Olympic insult that could be used as the opening line of a noir novel:
“Sun Yang, he pisses purple.”

Pissing purple: F

Pissing any color other than yellow: F

Discovering what color someone else pisses: ???

Yellow snow: F

Throwing yellow snow at your best friend: A-

Realizing you just handled piss soaked snow: D-

The joke being on you: F

Working the words “piss,” “pisses,” and “pissing” into an Olympics review: B-

Working the word “snow” into a Summer Olympics review: A-

The water in your diving pool turning bright green: D-

Officials assuring you the bright green water is safe even though they don’t know what caused it: F-

Sport most in need of an intervention: Swimming

US Women’s Gymnastics: A

Calling real gymnastics “Artistic Gymnastics”: C-

Implying other forms of gymnastics are not artistic: F

Epee tip that sprays blood on a successful score: A

Repeated attempts to add level of gore to sword fighting (fencing): D

Park SangYoung winning epee gold medal: A

Scoring five straight points to win epee gold medal: A

Surrendering 5 straight points to “win” silver after 20 years of never winning a gold medal: F

Rio Olympic Medals: B+

Japan’s first 800m relay swimming medal in 52 years: A

Fact the first medal in 52 years is a bronze: B-

Michael Phelps’ suction cup treatment circles: push

Maya Dirado: A

Takuya Haneda taking bronze in Canoe Slalom: A

Takuya Haneda being both first Japanese and first Asian to win a canoeing medal: A

Referring to “kayaking” as “canoeing”: B-

Your humble editor’s one attempt at kayaking: F

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