Today’s Olympic review is brought to you by the colors purple and yellow. And by the color green.
Cheating by using this as your daily post: C-
Rugby Sevens: B-
Looks too much like a rugby simulator.
Japan defeating New Zealand in Rugby Sevens: A
New Zealand: push (never been there)
The “All Blacks” chanting the Haka before a match: A
Best “I must break you” cheer in sports.
Second best: the University of Texas fans singing “The Eyes of Texas (are upon you” whilst holding up the sign of the devil.
Japan women’s rugby player Marie Yamaguchi: A
Best Olympic insult that could be used as the opening line of a noir novel:
“Sun Yang, he pisses purple.”
Pissing purple: F
Pissing any color other than yellow: F
Discovering what color someone else pisses: ???
Yellow snow: F
Throwing yellow snow at your best friend: A-
Realizing you just handled piss soaked snow: D-
The joke being on you: F
Working the words “piss,” “pisses,” and “pissing” into an Olympics review: B-
Working the word “snow” into a Summer Olympics review: A-
The water in your diving pool turning bright green: D-
Officials assuring you the bright green water is safe even though they don’t know what caused it: F-
Sport most in need of an intervention: Swimming
US Women’s Gymnastics: A
Calling real gymnastics “Artistic Gymnastics”: C-
Implying other forms of gymnastics are not artistic: F
Epee tip that sprays blood on a successful score: A
Repeated attempts to add level of gore to sword fighting (fencing): D
Park SangYoung winning epee gold medal: A
Scoring five straight points to win epee gold medal: A
Surrendering 5 straight points to “win” silver after 20 years of never winning a gold medal: F
Rio Olympic Medals: B+
Japan’s first 800m relay swimming medal in 52 years: A
Fact the first medal in 52 years is a bronze: B-
Michael Phelps’ suction cup treatment circles: push
Maya Dirado: A
Takuya Haneda taking bronze in Canoe Slalom: A
Takuya Haneda being both first Japanese and first Asian to win a canoeing medal: A
Referring to “kayaking” as “canoeing”: B-
Your humble editor’s one attempt at kayaking: F